Bring...

Sunscreen, towels, chairs and gossip rags.

Toys, food, drinks, umbrella and kids.

Sunny days, rainy afternoons, hazy laziness.

Hoping the calendar brings summer soon...

Stop and go

Green light: GO!  Traffic, meetings, assignments.

Red light: STOP!  All I want is to stop

for a bit, so there is

fuel to go.  A moment to

set my eyes on Nature's beauty.

Want to learn more about Six Word Fridays?  Visit Melissa's blog!

How to... try to have fun (in spite of the kids)

Book a weekend alone, plan outings.

Pack your bags, kiss the kids.

Say goodbye. Wave. Peel rubber, baby!

Make your way to your destination.

Toast your good fortune, your escape.

Beach, restaurants, big plans: movies, dancing.

Reality? These two "fun" people's plans?

Fizzled out with the evening's twilight.

The culprits? Not the usual suspects.

No little boys and their antics...

Too much sun, too many cocktails,

Super early bird dinners sans children,

Make for sleeping parents at 9:00 p.m.

Know how to do something?  Visit Melissa and check out Six Word Fridays!

Drowning...

The past few weeks have come with their own set of issues and challenges. Between frantically teaching material before our state mandated exam and ending of the grading period, I am tired. Add renewing my national certification, my middle son's communion in the next three weeks, a family cruise (YAY!) and two birthdays and I am wiped.

Plus, I stepped on a scale the other day and nearly died. Not happy folks. So not happy that I rejoined Weight Watchers and I am now having to relearn all the points for my favorite stuff.

But what has me the most unhappy is the loss of my beloved Thai Red Curry Chicken. I am so sad. Do you have any idea how many points the amount of yummy Red Curry Chicken makes my heart sing? It would take DOZENS of consecutive half marathons to undo that damage...(sigh)

So, in many ways I am drowning. There are not enough days in the week. There are not enough hours in the day.

The only thing that is helping me get up out of bed without sobbing and downing serious amounts of pharmaceuticals is the idea that in a mere ten days, I will be surrounded by Disney magic.

On a ship.

With all my guys.

In the open waters of the Atlantic.

And if it gets too bad, I can always jump overboard.

Into a vat of luscious Thai Red Curry Chicken!

A handstand, in spite of the crud....

It's official. I can now say with certainty that I am sick. I have been in denial for weeks, making excuses for the scratchy throat, the itchy nose, the watery eyes. But yesterday, I could no longer ignore the aches and pains. I had an earache.

On Halloween night.

Right before trick or treating.

I would have been perfectly content with staying home, curled up in bed, watching some sappy movie (I watched My Sister's Keeper yesterday afternoon; a sure sign of impending sickness...). But, alas, I have children. Boys who love to dress up on Halloween, and beg for candy that they don't eat, but will inevitably make my ass larger than it needs to be.

I downed two aspirin and went trick or treating with Buzz Lightyear, and two Harry Potters.

The only treat I wanted was my bed and Nyquil. Not necessarily in that order.

I survived. I came home. My husband took one look at my pathetic carcass and commanded me to get a shower and go to bed.

Since he rarely commands me to do anything, I did just that and collapsed until this morning.

Flash forward to this morning. Body still aching, but not quite as bad, I decided to go to work. It was a Teacher's Planning Day. John suggested I stay home.

My husband doesn't understand the finer points of teaching. You NEVER take a day off on a Teacher Planning Day.

I went to work. I went to yoga. I did my first ever, assisted, hand stand.

Me. The girl who could not roll on a mat in elementary school because I would get dizzy.

Me. The girl that can run nine miles in under two hours.

And I can't wait to do it again.

By the way, I feel so crappy that I actually went to one of those clinics within the Pharmacy. And while they swabbed and tested, I do not have anything that antibiotics can cure.

Just plenty of fluids, a decongestant, aspirin every six to eight hours and rest.

The yoga class and an assisted handstand count, right?

Motherhood's mortal sin

After a hard day today, I was dragging my butt by the time I got home. It was as though all the preparation and moving, spinning and walking, mothering and teaching had finally caught up with me. And because I was so tired, I committed the mortal sin of motherhood.

I attempted to take a nap.

I know, I know. I will plead temporary insanity. Last night's interrogation regarding the "missing" boxes was the straw that broke the camel's back.

When I got Joshua settled watching Little Einstein's (I know, I committed two mortal motherhood sins...I have no excuse) and made sure Matthew was working on homework, I asked Andrew to find something quiet to do. I laid down on the beckoning couch and closed my eyes....

Along with the strains of soothing classical music of Joshua's show, my mind drifted and I could feel myself dozing...and then, the strains of Joshua's very loud electric guitar that Santa, that old bastard, brought last Christmas.

"Guys, can you keep it down just a little. Momma's so tired," I begged.

"Sure Mommy," replied Andrew.

I closed my eyes again. Snoozing was calling, and I was more than eager to heed the call...Andrew's loud voice as he struggled to convince Joshua that he should get that damned electric guitar.

Now, I lost my temper.

"GUYS, PLEASE. Just a few minutes."

Silence.

Eyes closed. Exhaustion overwhelming me. And the phone rings. A telemarketer. Another remind to myself to re-register on the Do Not Call Registry. Why hadn't I done it yet?

Oh yeah. I work. For money and for the three kids that keep me around for food, laundry and errands.

I gave up my pursuit for a few minutes of sleep.

Rest assured that I recognized the error of my ways. I grumpily got off my couch and was in a vile mood as I prepared dinner for the hungry people who reside in my home.

My efforts were in vain. Apparently, my older son no longer approves of the frozen meatballs he would devour last year. Hubby was thrilled that our salmon was prepared at home, with a side of veggies.

I guess you can't please them all, huh?

As I banged and clanged in the kitchen, I understood why toddlers wake up a wicked kind of mean when their naps aren't long enough. And I remembered why trying to nap is motherhood's greatest mortal sin.

Because you can't get what you so desperately want and need. And since you can't get it, you usually end up even more bone tired (as if that was even possible!) than you were. Plus, you get a healthy dose of guilt for trying to do something so selfish and snapping at your kids for not making it possible.

Another one for my nomination of crappy mother of the year. Don't be jealous, y'all.

Unplugged

So much to do, so little time to do it!

Washing, folding, packing, repacking, piling stuff in the car.

National Lampoon's got nothing on us.

The guys and I will be on the road for a much need vacation this week. We are visiting the nation's capital, the national museums and then heading for the mountains for a few days to reconnect with our beloved Aunt Susan and Uncle Billy.

So, I will be unplugged: taking in the marvel of Washington, D.C. and the majesty of the mountains of North Carolina.

I promise to post pictures and commentary about our adventures on the road!

See you all in August!

!!!-Intentional Happiness for the week of July 16, 2010

After a whirlwind of cleaning up and organizing, I am as done as I can be. Every major closet is organized, months of bill statements have finally been organized, kitchen is in tip top shape, even the garage is cleaned up and organized. That is some serious !!!

But bigger than that is what the organizing and purging has done for my soul. For the last couple of years, my summers have been consumed by the needs of others, leaving little time for my own needs, let alone wants.

Three summers ago, I had a newborn. Although we did some traveling with our newly expanded family of three, caring for three small kids left me drained of any energy to tackle things such as closets and unfiled bills. I was barely surviving.

Two summers ago, my sister had a newborn. And was pregnant. So we tackled everything that needed tackling, together, with four kids.

Last summer, my mother's failing health forced whatever plans I had to the back burner. My sister now had two babies, 13 months apart. Together, with our now five children, we put my mother's affairs in order, and set on unchartered territory: caring for an elderly parent with a degenerative condition.

This summer, I reclaimed my freedom. In the midst of all that cleaning and organizing, I seemed to remember and find my way back to who I used to be and who I am trying to become.

And so this week, the French celebrated Bastille Day, commemorating the beginning of the French Revolution that eventually dismantled the Monarchy.

Twenty one years ago, on Bastille Day, a sixteen year old Cuban girl FINALLY got her driver's license. And with it, she opened a whole new world for herself. Major !!!

And now, twenty one years later, I am learning to fly by the seat of my pants, charter into new territories and relearn how to have fun. Case in point, a day trip to Sanibel Island to see my husband's aunt and uncle from Atlanta and their grown children and young grandchildren. Totally spur of the moment, total !!! to see the next generation of cousins play and have fun! Plus beach time is always worthy of !!!

Continued success with the potty training!!! A clean AC condensation line thanks to my wonderful main man!!! A sisters only movie night to see Eclipse!!! No children with us at the movie theater and swooning over Jacob's abs; double !!!

That being said, sometimes the greatest !!! comes from standing outside our comfort zone, confronting our fears and looking them dead in the eye and realizing that they hold no longer hold power over you.

Sometimes, those lessons take a very long time to be learned and understood. But once they are learned, they are your license to happiness...

Are you my mother?

It has been a LONG week. It has been an even longer month. One without breaks, one that began with a sick toddler and included many, MANY nights of an uninvited three year old making his way into our bed. A snoring toddler who likes to kick the crap out of everyone in said bed.

We are on the threshold of a nice, long Memorial Day weekend. I cannot wait. I do not have any plans, but really, I don't require any. All I long for is just ONE full time job that does not require lesson plans, grading or end of year procedures. And I don't care if there is no retirement plan for this particular full time job.

That being said, the past two nights have brought full nights (and I use that term loosely, as full night these days means 5 hours of sleep instead of the standard 8) of sleep. My sister, God bless her, let me borrow her cool mist vaporizer, that, much like Mr. Sandman, has brought me rest, and sleep for my precious little boy. No snoring. No waking up in the middle of the night. No visits.

But more than that, it has brought back my cheerful three year old. Joshua, with no sleep, is less bearable than a full on lobotomy; anesthesia, optional. He has been argumentative, on a hunger strike, unable to rest, and therefore, an evil troll. But, after two nights of sleep, he is back to being himself.

Which is a good thing.

Because I was considering my options.

This evening, after a full day of work, a faculty meeting, a visit to my mother's former condominium, (which my sister and I like to refer to as the money pit), errands, a pharmacy run, dinner and baths, everyone was ready for bed. Matthew was up completing homework. Andrew lay in bed, whining about the noise the vaporizer makes and reading, and Joshua came out to get me.

"I reads to you, momma," he declared as he grabbed my hand. He led me to his bedroom.

"You are going to read to me?" I asked.

"Yes," he exclaimed as he climbed into his tiny toddler bed, and he opened his book.

And he began. "A little egg jumped and jumped and jumped and jumped..."

Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman.

And with the quiet roar of the pounding rain as it hit my roof, I sat cross-legged on the floor, next to his bed, my head resting on the bed rail, enthralled. I sat listening to the sweetest little voice in the world, as he "read" his book, with intonation, with pride.

He has undoubtedly heard his teacher read it to the class countless times. He obviously loves it.

I, myself, have read that book hundreds of times, to hundreds of children over a 16 year teaching career. I have heard it read back to me just as many times.

But no other time came close to this.

My baby boy, the youngest of my brood, is growing up.

I sat and listened, with my ears, with my heart.

And my heart was happy.

And I prayed for another restful night for all of us.

So that I can be his mother. And I can be a mother to his brothers...

Here's to a rainy night's sleep.

And I wish the same for all of you...

Easy like Sunday morning...

Sunday. A day of rest. And for me, today was just that. For the first time in about two years, I slept until after 9 am. I took a nap for about an hour this afternoon.

In between, errands, groceries and laundry, feeding of children, picking up the ever messy house. But it was a quiet Sunday. A rainy day that forced us inside and to be reflective.

For most of us, we are forever on the hamster wheel. Running and going nowhere at the same time. Different clothes, same day, repeated over and over again.

Most days, I can handle it. It is what my life has become, and my children, my family, give me enough happy moments to keep me from falling apart. But there are days when I see the fraying ends. When I am irritable, tired, unable to get myself moving and upbeat, because the monotony, the endless chores weigh upon me too heavily.

I welcome days like today. Although John had to go into work to tie up some loose ends, I was happy to be with just the boys. To map out our mission for today, to get in and out of the stores with epic efficiency. To be able to see them unwind a bit.

The rain helped with the unwinding. Rain renews. It forces you to slow down a bit, and take stock of where you are, where you are going. The rain helped wash away some of my anxiety today. The anxiety that sits in wait, of all things that are unknown and I cannot control. It helped give me some perspective today, and confirm my reasoning for the way I choose to live my life, honorably and with honesty.

John will be out of town for the next couple of days, so I will be on single mom patrol. Waking up at the crack of dawn, herding children to get ready for school, have breakfast, teeth brushed, and get them out the door and where they are supposed to be.

I pray that the coming week will bring back some stability to the teachers of this state. As we wait for the Governor to make up his mind, I pray that all of us have the wisdom and gentleness of spirit to continue to do what we love, and that the public recognizes that. That our Governor sees how this will impact hundreds of thousands of people, mainly children, whose futures depend on the countless men and women who step into classrooms every day, determined to make a difference.

I hope some of today's rain and reflection touches each of us this coming week; so that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday can be a little easier for everyone.