A mother's version of Fantasy Island...

For those of us who grew up in the 1980's, we can remember some of the cheesy TV programs that were in circulation. One of my favorites was Fantasy Island. Of course, people were never really happy with their fantasies in the end, but they at least they had a chance to give it a go.

With all the crappy shows that are out there today, wouldn't it be great if mother's had their own version of Fantasy Island?

Could it involve a travel itinerary that did not involve finding babysitting for the children you were leaving behind, cleaning the house so that said babysitters did not have to walk through clutter and filth?

Could our fantasy actually begin BEFORE we were on the plane, so that we did not have to pack for ourselves, do laundry to be able to pack, and do the children's laundry so that the babysitters would not have to wrap our children in towels or rags?

My fantasy would include a quiet trip, especially since there would be no children hollering with each other in the back seat of the van, fighting over what movie they were going to watch, hollering that they need to go to the bathroom, that they were hungry, that they were thirsty, wondering how much longer it was until we got there, and wondering when we were going to stop at Grandma and Granddaddy's house?

Once I got there, someone would unload my luggage and carefully arrange my clothes and toiletries so that I would not have to search for them. The decisions of what I was able to do would be made solely by me, and on a moment's whim.

I would be required to have all kinds of spa treatments as part of the stay...massages, facials, manicures, pedicures, wraps...Pure bliss.

Meals would be scrumptious and non-fattening. I could eat and drink to my heart's content, a virtual gourmet experience, with nary a chicken nugget in sight, and my waistline would never be the wiser.

In my free time, I would be able to indulge in my love of reading...All the books that longingly called from the bookshelves, beckoning me to purchase them and read them, would get the merited and overdue attention they deserve.

In preparing for my eventual return home, my clothing would be laundered, pressed, folded and packed in an orderly way, as to facilitate unpacking. My home would be prepared for my imminent arrival by being cleaned and organized by professionals. My children would be overjoyed at the prospect that their loving mother was coming home. There would be no waiting for my luggage in the claims area of the airport, no traffic on the way home...

Wait a minute, this happens every year, to my CHILDREN...Maybe, instead of a trip to Fantasy Island, what I really need is to be my own child! I need myself to be my mother! Holy crap!