Wednesday, December 22, 2010

All I want for Christmas...

I have not made a list for Santa in countless years. When I was little, and things were bad at home, the thought of asking someone for anything my heart desired was comforting and thrilling. My sister and I would pore over the toy catalog and in our own minds, pick out every last thing our hearts desired. Our extremely edited lists for Santa were much more tame and less ostentatious.

As I grew older, the need for another person to get things for me seemed a little silly. I had a job, and if I saved, I could manage a little Christmas cheer for myself throughout the year. My lists consisted of what others might want for themselves. My job was to make their wishes come true. It was something I reveled in and still enjoy doing.

But this year, I have a list. It is not a big one. It is one that I think Santa would have trouble with. Not because of the objects I desire, because really, there are none. It is what I want that is so much more difficult to have right now.

All I want is for our normal to be back. A house full of people. A kitchen full of food. Minds free of worry.

This year, our reality is a little different from our "normal."

For the first time since John and I have been together, our family will not be able to be together for Christmas Eve.

In spite of having no adverse reactions to her chemo that is now nearly half complete, Grandma is back in the hospital, dealing with post operative recovery. On Friday, it will be a week since she was admitted. Her surgery yesterday was successful and I know that she will be just fine.

Grandma's reaction to the whole thing? "This Christmas is something we will look back on and be grateful for. That in spite of everything, we are fortunate."

That, friends, is grace under pressure. Of selflessness. Of making lemonade out of some pretty sour lemons.

But after knowing how wonderful it is to share Christmas with those you love, it is hard to give it up, even with good reason.

So, Santa, if my list contained several pricey items from Tiffany and Company, I am willing to bet that you would have no problem getting everything for me.

Santa, could you send some health our way? We have plenty of optimism, hope and love. We just need some extra helpings of health to enjoy the wonderful gifts we share every day.

But, in the end, it really doesn't matter what is under the tree. What matters most is who is there to share it with you.

Wishing each of you the joys of the season, and the warmth of your loved ones.


  1. I sincerely hope that Santa grants your wish this Christmas. xo

  2. Oh Maria! Here I am trying to "wake myself up enough" to go out for The Long Run, and I come over here and see this. Now, of course, I'm crying. I'm so, so, so sorry for you. I know that I have spent years now wondering (very, very quietly in my own head) how many more Christmases there might be with everyone together. I agree with much as I like me a nice little blue box with a white ribbon...the part I want most is the normalcy of the Christmas traditions. I am certainly not telling you not to be sad, or chin up, or any of that nonsense, but her comment...about looking back on a powerful statement and what a wonderful thing to look forward to. Next will see that you will have your normal back. What a blessing to have this woman in your life. What a blessing for her to have you. Here's sending you a whole ton of love and warmth and blessings for all of you...and thanks yet again for another reminder about Life.

  3. I hope it's okay...I linked back to this post in my Christmas post.

  4. I'm thinking of you Maria and hoping all is going well with you and your family. I hope your grandma is staying strong and that you'll be back celebrating with her soon. Happy New Year. And thank you for being there so quickly for me as I re-enter this blog world! xo


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