Thursday, March 11, 2010

Sometimes, all you need is a good cry...

It has been a hellacious week. Between the anxiety of administering "The Test" and watching my beloved students and oldest son take the test, I feel as though I have been drained of whatever energy I had.

I have been mindful of taking my vitamins, of getting enough rest. Regardless, I feel sapped of myself. I feel as though I am in a funk.

So, after school, I took the boys to get a haircut. Nothing gets me feeling better than being surrounded by newly shorn young men. They looked as handsome as ever, but no relief.

I took them to get a cookie for celebrating the end of testing (for at least one of them). I even got a free cookie, which I had enough will power to resist. Still, no better.

I walked around the mall, in search of a cute top or a nice pair of shoes on sale. Nope. Nada.

I got home, started reheating leftovers, fed the kids early. Got them showered and in bed reading, early. Nothing.

And then, in the quiet house, came the deluge of emotions.

After worrying and wondering what would make me feel better, the tears came. Like rain renews the Earth, those tears will help renew me.

Because after a month of skill and drill, of stressing over whether the kids would do well or not, of actually administering and monitoring; day after day, of basically, just holding it together: I couldn't anymore.

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT a crier. Certain things will get me to mist up some, but rarely do I just let go and sob. I just don't do it.

Maybe it is because I like to feel in control. Maybe because I think it makes me look weak. Maybe, it just scares me to feel so vulnerable.

But I needed it.

And after this good ten minute cry, I don't feel as sad. I feel relief.

And there is nothing weak about relief. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable. There is nothing wrong with caring.

But there is something very wrong with not giving yourself permission to let go. For always having to be strong (for who exactly, I will never know) and not letting yourself have a healthy way to find release.

So, with that behind me, there is much to look forward to: my oldest niece will be two tomorrow. John and I have big plans to celebrate the end of testing with the boys on Saturday. My mother finally left rehab a month after being admitted (after that wicked fall she took).

Smiling, because Spring Break is a couple of weeks away, and the beach is waiting.


  1. Yes! Sometimes a good cry is all you need! I take it to the extreme though and I tend to have a good cry once a week.

    I'm glad to hear that testing is over (or nearly over?). And yay for your mom leaving rehab!

    And I love Spring. I'm impatiently awaiting it's arrival.

  2. I love a good cry! Hope that helped and now you can have a most wonderful weekend!

  3. I cry at the LEAST provocation, which is annoying, but it does ease the tension.

    What beach are you going to?

  4. I am like TKW...I cry for EVERYTHING. It feels good. I embrace it (most of the time). I'm glad you got it out. Maybe I should plan on crying this weekend....
    By the way:
    "Nothing gets me feeling better than being surrounded by newly shorn young men."
    Ha...nothing makes ME feel better than being surrounded my longish-hair 30+ men...!
    P.S. If you go to the beach with Kitchen Witch, you better invite me. (wink)

  5. Oh, Maria, after the week you had, you deserve a good cry! And thanks for this reminder that being in touch with your emotions is a sign of strength, not weakness.

    I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

  6. A good cry is really really great for your soul. *HUGS*

  7. I don't think I could survive without my "regular" cry sessions. ;)
    Found you through FF. Am following you now.

  8. I think what you need is a bowl of popcorn, a beer and a viewing of Steel Magnolias. {{hugs}}

    I found you through FF, and I have a son in the 2nd grade, so you may not want me following your blog! :)

    Come over for a visit!

    PS. I highly recommend Phillip Done's Close Encounters of the Third Grade Kind.

  9. Visiting from Friday Follow...I'm now following! Love for you to come visit me!

    Have a great weekend :)
    ~Shelley @ Shelley's Swag

  10. Hi there! Just popping in to follow your blog on Friday Follow. Hope you can visit mine!

    Bridgette Groschen
    The Groschen Goblins

  11. I am your newest follower from Friday Follow.

  12. Like you I rarely cry. I'm not too sure why, but I just don't. And it sneaks up on me in the same way. You are so lucky you let loose in your own house! The last time I lost it I was at a play with my daughter. She wasn't even in it. What a mess...


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