Happy (birthday)

Marking another trip around the sun:

looking back on the lessons learned,

looking forward to new dreams, experiences.

Wondering what the next trip around

will bring as I mark my

thirty ninth year on this Earth.

Drive...

If you are a parent, there is nothing carefree about this stretch of road...

The action of driving: impending dread

(for oh-so-many reasons in South Florida!)

and what will bring our family

to the brink of bankruptcy when

we have three additional males insured

under our policy.  God help us.

But only if the grocery bills

don’t drive us there first. Seriously.  

Check out what drives Melissa and Six Word Fridays!

Grow...

June 2009: Daddy and the boys in Naples, Florida

Almost twelve years (yikes!) into motherhood,

I am growing in this role.

I no longer quiver when faced

with a bleeding (or vomiting) child.

I no longer tremble when challenged

by hungry, filthy, bored , warring boys

that seem to gain monstrous strength

with each and every passing  second.

No.  I have grown in mothering

just as my boys flourish with

each passing milestone,  every grown inch,

each hard won, exhausting, monumental,  accomplishment.

I stand in wide mouthed awe,

amazed that, in spite of myself,

their growth leaves me behind, small;

but oh, so very much beloved!

And someday, rather soon, I suppose,

they will tower over me: souvenir

of time's passage; my own growth.

Growing into this?  Check out Melissa and Six Word Fridays!

Bring...

Sunscreen, towels, chairs and gossip rags.

Toys, food, drinks, umbrella and kids.

Sunny days, rainy afternoons, hazy laziness.

Hoping the calendar brings summer soon...

Five for Five: Change

It seems like an eternity since I sat here, in this place, writing about my life.  A year ago, I was working on recertifying for National Board for Professional Teaching Standards and was knee deep in the aftermath of birthdays, a cruise, a communion, state testing and finishing up that damn box to send away.  But I had no idea how many things would change in next 12 months.

My unmarried, childless uncle had a MAJOR health crisis that landed him in and out of hospitals and rehabilitation facilities for the better part of three months.  My sister and I, with five kids in tow, had to clean up his mess.  It took us from May through December to get everything straightened out: from housing to finances, legal aspects to just general " you're going to be okay, okay?" stuff.  A summer from hell would be a very pale description of what those months entailed.  In the midst of all these changes, I had no words for this space.  That was the hardest part of the change, and the one I found the most difficult to swallow.

In the fall, my already frail mother was diagnosed with an incredible rare form of stomach cancer.  Her successful surgery had major complications that landed her (and us) into ICU for a week.  The drain of this next challenge, and the physical changes my mother would now be faced with in her recovery made it impossible to sit in front of the computer and write.  Six words was all I could manage, some days with incredible difficulty.  Again, I would look at my blog, which had once been this source of incredible pride, as something I had abandoned because of life.  And if I wrote of these changes, they would be really real.  And even though I was living through them, I was not really ready to accept them.

The good news: everyone is okay now.  We've experienced some hiccups, but nothing more hair-raising than that.

The real news: Something in me finally clicked and made ME change.  Not in some wild, crazy, I am going to run away and join a circus kind of change.  But for someone like me, who changes at a turtle's pace,  this is BIG.

I've decided that getting older is fine.  It's better than the alternative.  And I want to be one badass old lady and give my kids years of endless  memories.  I want to get even and spoil the hell out of my grandchildren.  I want to get those kids riled up, sugared up and indignant that their parents don't let them get away with shit, and when it hits the fan, I want to climb into my two-seater convertible and drive off into the sunset, waving and blowing kisses to my angels,  planning my next visit.

I've decided to welcome the teeniest of wrinkles that now embrace the outer corners of my eyes when I smile or laugh too hard.  I will not find the grays that now spot more areas of my scalp.  I will thank the Lord above that I have never had to endure chemotherapy and hair loss at a young age like some of my friends.  I have earned every line, wrinkle and gray hair.  They are medals of honor.  The chest heading south is another story, but hey, that's why we have underwire, padded bras, no?

I am TRYING so VERY HARD to change my mothering.  By saying yes more when I can.  By living in the moment more.  By realizing that this is it.  My oldest is on the cusp of adolescence.  My baby is starting kindergarten.  THESE are the best times.  Right now. 

I am learning to be who I was meant to be, who I want to be.  Not a preconceived notion that I must act this way or another because I am a mother, a wife, a teacher.  I am authentic.  I should act as such.

The hardest changes are those affecting my children.  Each one of them is changing, morphing into these incredible people that can be alternately incredibly sweet or defying difficult.  Their physical changes as they mature are hard to witness as a mother who loved the tiny baby stage.  Their emotional growth is difficult to keep up with, as I alternate between goddess and devil's mistress.  Growing up is hard.  For kids.  For parents.  But oh, what a ride!

The biggest lesson I've learned this year is that change comes, whether you are ready or not.  It sometimes helps not to be so dead set against it.  It also helps immensely if you have people around you that love you and are willing to assist you.  It is extremely important to value the ones you love (and generally make you seven kinds of ape-shit crazy) when you have no crisis at hand, so you are ready for the crisis when it comes.  And people, it ALWAYS comes.  Trust me.

Sense

Trying to make sense of how

time has slipped through my fingers.

My boys stand at different thresholds,

ready to begin writing new chapters.

I witness; my proud heart photographs.

Visit Melissa and find out more about Six Word Fridays...

Spring...

Break. Alone. Away.

Food. Wine. Snow.

Got a spring in your step?  Visit Melissa and find out more about Six Word Fridays!

Surrender

At the end of the day,

after homework, dinner and baths;

the battle begins; a hopeless dance.

Be productive in relative peace, quiet?

Drop everything , grab the neglected book ?

Run to undo the days dietary mistakes?

Or succumb to the inviting softness

of the freshly made, warm bed...

In hopes of a productive tomorrow

when I can read or run;

not surrender too quickly or soundly

as the white sheets beckon me tonight.

Waving the white flag?  Visit Melissa and find out more about Six Words Fridays!

Bare...

As I always am with you.

No pretenses, no barriers, no secrets.

Always lovingly accepted with no disguise.

I cannot imagine any other way

to know a lover, kindred spirit

in this masquerade the world holds,

each day of our complicated lives.

Ready to bare all?  Visit Melissa and learn more about Six Word Fridays.

Guilt...

Red velvet cupcakes.

Spinning for 60.

Here's to hoping

that my guilt

(and weight) disappear

as quickly as

that damned cupcake.

Guilty?  Need to confess?  Check out Melissa's blog and Six Word Fridays!

Chat...

Our children busy, wrapped in imagination.

Breakfast dishes littering the kitchen table.

You and I, two coffee cups.

The aroma entices us to awaken;

a truth serum for the weary.

Long forgotten antidotes, reminders of events.

Our past, present and future whispered;

treasured on this rare, quiet morning.

My hopes spoken, worries finally revealed

to my faithful confidant, secret keeper.

Need to chat?  Find out more about Six Word Fridays by visiting Melissa's blog!

Share

A very well deserved getaway, alone.

The last slice of adult pizza.

A stolen moment of longing, silence.

The seemingly insurmountable grief of loss.

The joy of seeing our kids.

The worry of parenting the kids.

The very last crumbs of tiramisu.

With you, sharing is not optional.

That is just fine with me.

There is no one who shares

quite as well as you do

all of life's joys and sorrows,

as well as favorite culinary delights;

the warm comforters on cold nights.

In a sharing mood?  Link up to Melissa's blog and find out more about Six Word Fridays!

Bargain Hunting...

I was a broke college student.

I practiced snagging a good bargain.

As a mother of three boys,

and a still broke, underpaid, schoolteacher

bargains are a method of survival,

thoroughly perfected and strategically planned maneuvers.

Sometimes, the thrill of the hunt,

makes the catch all the sweeter.

And it makes your walk through

this life just a bit more fashionable,

especially when clearance is 30% off,

and free shipping of the prize.

My beautiful, waterproof boots arrived this week to greet me on a depressing Monday afternoon.  Online, on clearance, 30% off AND free shipping.  No crowds and on the cheap?  Yes, life is very good!

More than you bargained for?  Check out Melissa's blog and learn about Six Word Fridays!

Stop and go

Green light: GO!  Traffic, meetings, assignments.

Red light: STOP!  All I want is to stop

for a bit, so there is

fuel to go.  A moment to

set my eyes on Nature's beauty.

Want to learn more about Six Word Fridays?  Visit Melissa's blog!

Lost and found...

Whenever I am seemingly, hopelessly lost,

You are there to find me.

You, inevitably, with a knowing smile;

rescue me; categorically lost; forever grateful;

in my own sea of imperfection.

You still are the shining beacon

that safely lights the way back.

Lost something and found something along the way?  Visit Melissa and find out more about Six Word Fridays.

Heart's Focus

After sixteen years, what was fuzzy

is now clear, without question, unmistakable.

The life we have built together.

Our solid commitment to each other,

the upkeep of our family garden;

the weeding out of what's damaging,

the cultivating of memories that flourish

within our minds, hearts and souls.

You are my heart's sharp lens.

You focus me on the importance

of the legacy we will leave

for the magnificent men they will become.

The lens in which I always

look through to gauge the truth

resides within my ever faithful heart.

And only you hold the key.

What do you focus on?  Visit Melissa and Six Words Fridays to find out more...

Making it count...

Making my list.

Checking it twice.

Good at making something?  Check out Melissa and Six Word Fridays.

True to myself

Aways armed with my moral compass,

I stand here; in the moment.

True to myself, to my heart.

And that is all I need.

What rings true?  Visit Melissa's blog and find out more about Six Word Fridays.

The story of us...





Our story: a work in progress.


Once upon a time, long ago.


In the here and now: nonfiction.


A new chapter with every morning.


Happily ever after, befitting of us.

December 2010: 15 years later, the story is getting more interesting...

Got a story to share? Check out Melissa and Six Word Fridays!

Saving myself…

Once upon a time, long ago,

a little girl grew up with

poverty and sadness; a dizzying combination.

She promised herself an ever after

that included copious amounts of happiness

and never having to worry about

how to pay your doctor’s bills.

She worked hard, found Prince Charming,

and her happily ever after that

included a roof over her head,

food on the table, bills paid.

Saving for rainy days became something

that would guarantee a safety net

in case the dream was broken.

When her children arrived, she realized

that saving for rainy days now

meant providing a net for them.

Saving for rainy days today means

putting a little extra money away

to help with surprises: good, bad.

But more importantly, to help me

get myself through those tumultuous days,

my heart’s snapshots always remind me

that the greatest fortune to save

is the love of your family.

Got something worth saving?  Check out Melissa's blog and Six Word Fridays.