Sunday, May 16, 2010

Lust for Life (...after diapers)

Momalom's Five for Ten: Lust

One of my favorite commercials of all time was one from the Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines where Iggy Pop's Lust for Life blared. It was the perfect soundtrack for all the adventurous activities you could do onboard the ship and on the excursions.

There are people who have an affinity for the finer things in life; travel, gourmet cuisine, finely aged wines, art, music.

I am a WHOLE lot simpler. I have three children. I don't have time for fancy this or that. I often times forget what it was that I was going to do, going from one end of the house to the other. In my case, it is all simpler, except for one tiny, little detail.

My three year old is still in diapers.

I am ashamed to admit this.

When I had my youngest son, I had big dreams relating to potty-training. (Wow, that just might be the saddest sentence I have ever written.) I thought that this child would be the easiest to potty train, having two older brothers with the same kind of plumbing.

But alas, my older sons had different ideas. And in particular, one from The Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

For those of you not familiar with the story line, Greg is the middle child, getting ready to begin middle school. He has a younger brother who, in the midst of potty training, is told that there is a potty monster. Needless to say, the toddler will not go on the porcelain king, and mom is pretty upset.

So is this mom.

I discovered this debauchery when I took my boys to see the movie. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh, because they saw the opportunity and took it; cry, because they saw the opportunity and took it.

Looking at the bright side, they learned to do something from a book, right?

But, on to reality. I have spent a small fortune on diapers and wipes. A small fortune I could have spent on the finer things in life, not poop.

I have purchased diapers for eight out of the last ten years, people. I am done.

There is a life I lust after. Not one that is fancy or complicated. It is very simple wish.

I lust for a life that requires no diaper bags, no refilling the wipes box, no Butt Paste.

I lust for a life where everyone wipes their own ass.

It will mean freedom for me. Of not being tied down to a baby. Of having three independent boys. Of life progressing, evolving.

It will mean that my youngest son will be nearing school age, and we will leave the preschool he attends now, where I send a hefty tuition check the first of every month.

It will mean not having to drive back home if I have forgotten the diaper bag, or harassing the older boys into carrying it to the car, out of the car, into the house, out of the house. It will mean one less thing to have to remember.

It will mean more stops on road trips, accidents while we are out, accidents while we are at home, accidents while we sleep.

And while I cannot wait to unburden myself and Joshua of chasing after him, getting all thirty pounds of him on the changing table and getting down to business, I know I will miss it, just a little.

Because it will mean that I no longer have a baby.

It will mean that I have raised another human being to some sort of independence, regardless of how basic that independence is.

I am starting to see the glimpses of this new and improved Joshua. Last night, he went pee in the potty. Mama did the potty jig and sang the happy Mama song for a good twenty minutes.

Lady Luck was at my house this morning too. He went potty again. Another round of dancing and singing.

But more than that, I saw my littlest boy proud of himself. He was so happy that he did it. He kept telling me he is a big boy. And, he is.

No fear of a potty monster.

And that was good.

Like anything in life, those things that are the most worthwhile never come easy. Not love, not good friendships, not parenting.

Especially not parenting.

But, if you encounter the difficult but worthwhile with a lust for life, then the whole journey is a little more enjoyable, even more worthwhile.

Even in the adventures of potty training.

And especially if you have a particularly good soundtrack playing in the background, even if it's only in your head...


  1. My son just turned 4 and we just started the arduous task of potty-training a few weeks ago. He still has accidents on a daily basis, but I refuse to stop now because well, he's 4. It's embarrassing that he's not potty-trained already. I mean, I have a 6 year old, I should KNOW how to do this. So I understand. But like I keep telling myself, it will come.

    Unfortunately, though, I also have a daughter who will turn 2 in a couple of months and soon after that I'll be potty-training her. It never ends.

  2. Okay, Maria, that's just sad...pathetic and sad! LOL!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. "I lust for a life where everyone wipes their own ass." This gave me such a chuckle this morning. I love it! I am still wiping my daughter's butt at four. When will freedom come?

    Great way to think about this subject.

  4. I loved this, and I can relate quite a bit. My older son staunchly refused to even TRY sitting on the potty. I would ask every so often, then let it go for a while...till finally I just decided I was SICK of holding him down to try and change his diaper (since, even though he didn't want to use the potty, he also hated having his diaper changed).

    Anyway. I completely understand. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Oh my, I can relate. My son (don't worry, no one gets to 15 without being potty-trained!) used to hide in the corner and grunt. How I used to run with him to the bathroom! If he knew to go in the corner, he knew enough to get oin the darn toilet! A slow beginner but now, who knew?, I can't get him out of the bathroom, especially when there are chores to be done!

  6. I was just talking to my husband about otty-traning my son next week when he's on vacation. Not looking forward to, but am looking forward to the extra money :)

  7. Oh Maria, your post had me giggling and then tearing up. We're in the middle of potty training Big Boy right now and the process epitomizes everything I love about being a mom and everything that challenges me: getting to see that pride on their faces, but also seeing their willfulness and their sadness when they know they haven't done what we want them to.

    I will have to keep these wise words in mind: "But, if you encounter the difficult but worthwhile with a lust for life, then the whole journey is a little more enjoyable, even more worthwhile." Thanks, Maria!

  8. i have two in diapers at the moment...and right now the life i lust for is one that doesn't involve BOTH of the diaper kids to poop at one time. i could so handle it if they switched it up a bit, but the tandem pooping is about to end me. ah, how our wants and wishes change! :)

  9. I cannot wait until everyone wipes their own asses here. Good grief it's getting old, and I only have two! :)
    Loved, loved this post.

  10. My daughter turned three in February and is still in diapers. She still shows absolutely no interest in her potty, wearing big girl underwear or anything to do with potty training and cares not how soggy her diaper is. She was a very late walker and is still way behind with gross motor skills so I expected we would be later than some to get to potty training but I did not think I would now still be buying diapers. She has to be potty trained to go to preschool this fall, so this summer is going to be make or break time in our house. So thank you for this post, making me laugh about it and making me feel I am not the only one out here in this situation!

  11. "I lust for a life where everyone wipes their own ass." Hilarious. I haven't started potty-training my 18-month old but I can only imagine the joy of success.

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  13. Don't feel bad. Miss M. is FOUR and the little cretin hates the potty and throws tantrums if we ask her to go. Clearly, potty training is why wine was invented.

  14. I cant WAIT to not have to buy diapers again!

  15. I loved reading this! It was such a well-written and true example of one of those things that you never thought would be monumental until you became a parent. And, of course, it was funny. I needed a laugh so badly today and so THANK YOU!

  16. I can relate to the desperate need for potty training and the slightly sad side of losing your baby. But at the end of the day, I'll choose potty training, hands down.

  17. Hey. I know I'm wickedly late. Can you believe I am still catching up?

    Loved this line more than any other I have read so far in the Lust Series:

    "I lust for a life where everyone wipes their own ass."

    Can you even believe that we have to say that in our lifetime?

    Undeniably awesome.


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